1. |
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morning waits, like me, to break
as i lay half here awake
in a place that i love to hate
in the place where we used to say
this is where we'll begin again
& this is where we'll remember when
we were us, when we were as one
& as morning waits, i begin to break...
& so my life passes me by
as i stare into the void of night
memories of you & me
with every blink, you're all i see
the shades mute illumination,
while under the bedsheets,
i'm hallucinating
exhausted & haunted,
i'm falling for you
all over again, & again
i can't erase it
no matter how wasted
that i get
it never fades
& all that escapes
me is time
as i lie here & i lie
pretending that i am alive...
& so my life passes me by
while i'm trying to avoid the light
& trying to remember why
& who was i before you & i
all i am is all i was
i've lost myself inside of us
exhausted & haunted
i'm falling for you
all over again, & again...
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2. |
sisters (your love)
03:27
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|
you have two sisters
one of whom
looks just exactly like you
& though you all carry
your own tune
you share in a chorus
of joy & truth
& i love your love
you have two sisters
both of whom
know just how deeply
i care for you
they took me in
& made me feel at home
where i got to share
in the three of you glowing
& i love your love
we all took a trip
to the ocean
when our relationship
was broken
but your sisters kept us
floating
your sisters kept us
hoping
but i lost you love
now i hope someday
to see you again
i hope someday
to say thank you
again
to you & your sisters
& your mom & dad
for being so kind
& for making me laugh
cuz i miss your love
i miss their love
i miss your love
i loved your love
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3. |
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in my dreams, i'm lying
in my dreams, i'm trying to say
that i wish i were drifting away
lost at sea, & i've just got to see
what's underneath, on the inside of me
but swimming, i sigh & lie,
that tomorrow i will try to be alive
& i watch the stars fall as still as me,
while i challenge my heart to just believe,
in the better part of me
& in my dreams, i'm watching you
in my sleep, i'm talking right to you
promising that i will write to you
i lick the stamp, & i lick my wounds
send this & them off,
but not to you
no, these letters, they'll never, ever get to you
return to sender, because i'm just not ready
to surrender my misery yet,
& not to you
& i watch the stars fall as still as me,
while i challenge my heart to just believe,
in the better part of me
your chain's around my neck,
& your reading of Faulkner is the best,
but this kiss is of no consequence
just like the look in your eyes
when you left again
because i never was the man that you thought that i should be
& even though, you'd always held out hope
everyday i had to know that you were going to have to go
yeah, i guess you had to go
& i watch the stars fall as still as me,
while i challenge my heart to just believe,
in the better part of me
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4. |
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i was wrapped up in the sound, oh the sound,
the sound of your hushed voice
while you were whispering lovely things to me,
i was drifting out to sea,
where i could see, i could see in the deep
everything that we might be & it was a dream, obviously,
but what was it she said to me?
about dreams & parallel realities,
oh, what was it she said to me,
as i drifted out into the deep,
the deep, deep, sea of sleep
& in these abstractions of mine i get distracted by
the cracks in our history
where we were once upon a time distorts,
into a stylized lie
& i realize that inside my wide open wandering mind
our potential is still alive, but it lives inside
my wide open wandering mind,
where i'm accompanied by
your sweet nothings, your sweet, sweet nothing sounds,
oh, your sweet nothings,
your sweet nothings, your sweet, sweet nothing sights
& all the lines of our life & times,
that i've traced & mined
have corroded & imploded over all this time
& turned to a paraphrased paradise of
your sweet nothings, your sweet, sweet nothing sounds,
oh, your sweet nothings,
your sweet nothings, your sweet, sweet nothing sights & sounds
surround, surround me & drown me
in your sweet nothing sights & sounds
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5. |
hush (the sounds of us)
03:47
|
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|
& she asked me gently
won't you let me
let you in
then she leaned into my life
with a kiss
in her eyes
the moment remains now
recurs every night
in a summer haze,
an autumn daze,
a winters maze
the spring of us, & the sounds,
remain
would you really rush out
& fall in love
could you really hush out
the sounds of us
so are you really gone now
or is this another bluff
how could you have hushed out
the sounds of us
did you really rush out
& fall in love
how did you just hush out
the sounds of us
oh, the sounds, the sounds
of us
hush, hush, hush...
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6. |
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she's got these magic, kind, bright, chocolate eyes
she's got this pain she's hiding trying for one more nice night
& as we spun around painting the town, her in that dress, me oblivious
her magic, kind, bright, chocolate eyes
were saying goodbye
she kissed me on the cheek,
but didn't say goodbye, she couldn't quite say goodbye
she smiled into the sky & began to cry,
she began to cry
while i was paralyzed & aching in her eyes,
her bright eyes
she smiled into the sky & we held tight for the last time
now i sleep to maybe dream to maybe see you
& i drink to dream out loud & get my thoughts through
i get my thoughts through this way best
& i sleep just to maybe dream to maybe see you
back in that dress
& i drink to dream out loud & get my thoughts through,
i get my thoughts through this way best
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7. |
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you're in the passenger seat, watching the sky
while i'm driving fast, you're gettin' high;
we're feelin' the rush in a field of dust
& watching the sky reflecting our lives,
reflected in our eyes
& we wonder what's ever meant to be
while i stumble & see, you plan,
for you & me;
suddenly, you grab me, & you say, 'please,
don't ever give in to the great decay,
just take me away,
take me away, & we'll be okay'
now time goes on, sometimes without me
because i linger on, daydreaming these past scenes
come on whiskey lullaby, come on quickly,
dull her eyes
because that shade of brown's too bright for me
& i can't sleep
please, take me away
come on whiskey lullaby, come on quickly,
dull her eyes,
because that shade of brown's too bright for me
& i can't sleep.
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8. |
pieces (of everything)
07:09
|
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|
so here we are
laying under the stars
& we're so far
from the end
her forehead
on my forehead
staring straight in my eyes,
she said,
'remember everything'
my best friend said
don't you dare
as in acting class i stared
but my heart was already there
at awful al's on the sixteenth
postcards from italy
& holding hands in the backseat
then later on in the townhouses
pictures from her ecuador trip
& then she bit my lower lip
the way that she held my hand
how every step she took was a dance;
i remember everything
from the top of the thousand stairs
& all those wonderful dresses she'd wear;
i remember everything
the summer of stars & margaritas
& the way she said empanadas;
i remember everything
sex, drugs, & cocoa puffs
tori amos & happy drums;
i remember everything
the yellow house & the afternoon
of extravagant delight in june;
i remember everything
the g-train on new years eve
what a wonderful way to freeze;
i remember everything
six hours on a greyhound bus
until her tiny room outgrew us;
i remember everything
her blue vest & bubblegum hair
i'm sorry i wasn't there;
i remember everything
the rain on twenty seventh street
& her message asking me to meet;
i remember everything
so here we are
laying under the stars
& we're so far
from then
but sometimes in my dreams
we'll meet up
& we'll see
pieces of everything
playing on a moonlit screen
the film reel of our memories
from when we were everything
& it's all just as it was
we're back to being us
my beloved monster & me
but then the morning comes
& the sun
wakes me up
& it's always
only a dream
but in her chocolate eyes,
i swear
there's a knowing smile there,
saying,
that our dreams are everything
so here we are
laying under the stars
two broken halves
of one heart
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9. |
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i'm still spinning still
leaning on this window sill
steady eyes racing towards the past
blur the present & let this last
there's a quiet here, for now
& you feel near, but how
do i let you go, when i just got hold
of a place of peace, where it's just you & me
& we danced on quicksand,
& you sank into my hands
suspended & mended
& there we are
you were the fiction in my heart
the living literature that lit up the dark
parts of my dreams, a parallel you & me
& we can stay hidden here
& though we've all but faded, dear
our love won't disappear
same as all the stars burned out & far
from here
& we danced on quicksand
& you sank into my hands
suspended & mended
& there we are...
in the dark between the stars
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zach chase Syracuse, New York
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